god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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