the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
