I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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