i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
