Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
