I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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