he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
