I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
