I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
