At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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