i wish my penis had a tongue
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
