No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
