ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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