11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
are you still at the devil's house?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize