If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
