there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
