like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
