i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
