I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize