Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
