Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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