If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
operation have a gay friend backfired
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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