those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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