oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I deserve this hangover.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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