you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
