Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
