drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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