He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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