Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize