Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
