she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
