I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
His nipple licking is glorious
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