How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
