? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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