my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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