Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize