I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
