I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
