Im at strip club and am horny
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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