I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
