Cold hands, warm shart.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
