Pregnant stripper...not hot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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