he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
