My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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