google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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