Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize