god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
