So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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