Don't you send me to vm
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
