Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
