Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
