Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
