he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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