tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just pee around me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We're too hungover to prance.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
