Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
