she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
