I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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