I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
