I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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