so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
