What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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