can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
