Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
