who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
