Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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