I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
