the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
