how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
