actually, I'm a sock model
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
