Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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