I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
