I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
